End User License Agreements, those infamous instruments of legal pretzelism, have broken the logic barrier and are beginning to collapse into a nonsensical linguistic singularity. A bold claim, you say? I have evidence! This is a direct quote from an adware-related EULA I recently encountered:

Special Notice for Non-English Speakers:

The Licensed Software is suited primarily for the use of English speakers and, therefore, this License Agreement is written in English and is addressed to English speakers. If you are not proficient in English and feel that you cannot properly understand this License Agreement, we recommend that you either retain the help of an English speaker to help you understand and accept the terms of this License Agreement or, alternatively, refrain from installing or using the Licensed Software. In any event, if you choose to install or Use the Licensed Software, you will be bound by [the] License Agreement and the Privacy Policy incorporated herein.

Producing a mental experience similar to that accompanying contemplation of the interstellar void or the size of the US national debt, the mind is confounded here not by huge distances or sums, but by raw logical absurdity: lengthy, multi-clause legalese sentences carefully describing, in English, what you should do if you don’t understand English.

…

At least they include the suggestion that you get a translator to help you read it. How thoughtful!

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